i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
farters have to be the big spoon...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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