you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
