this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
