i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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