on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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