Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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