Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All I want is dick and wine.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
