Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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