There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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