Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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