Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
