I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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