i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
