Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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