youre lurking in front of me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
