The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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