I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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