I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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