the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
