had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
