I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
