I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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