i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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