who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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