Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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