he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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