Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
