just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
