I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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