i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
