I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
