He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
