dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
