if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
