Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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