Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
