drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
