Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
