i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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