Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
