I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
