I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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