no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
