please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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