She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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