The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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