The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
