don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
