i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
