doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
