There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
