So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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